


fml: the saga of dave

by heartsinhay



Series: HSWC 2013 [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Other, Pesterlog, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-15
Updated: 2013-08-15
Packaged: 2017-12-23 14:01:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/927330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartsinhay/pseuds/heartsinhay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TT: Your brother has been taping his puppet porn videos since you were a child. Could it be that you’re trying to model your own relationships after what you saw as his?<br/>TG: oh my god<br/>TG: rose<br/>TG: no</p>
            </blockquote>





	fml: the saga of dave

TG: okay so there i was pants around my ankles and polishing my katana hilt  
TG: if you know what i mean  
EB: dave, tmi.  
TG: and i look up above the monitor for a second and  
EB: you can’t just start a conversation like that. i mean, what if my dad was standing right behind me? what if, dave. what if.  
TG: there  
TG: he  
TG: is  
TG: lil cal is right there and hes looking straight at me and its like his beady gimlet eyes are staring straight into my soul  
EB: oh my god, why are you telling me this.  
EB: stop telling me this.  
TG: im serious he was looking straight at me  
TG: i think he winked

TG: hey jade can i bare my soul to you here  
GG: are you going to start talking about that puppet again??? because if you are, i’m blocking you  
GG: hes so creepy ): ): ):  
TG: dude  
TG: no  
TG: lil cal is cool

TG: so idk it was just like the singular most bizarre experience of my life  
TG: and that includes the time i went to ikea and the fridges didnt have any swords in tem  
TT: Hmm.  
TT: Your brother has been taping his puppet porn videos since you were a child. Could it be that you’re trying to model your own relationships after what you saw as his?  
TG: oh my god  
TG: rose  
TG: no  
TG: i dont even know why i tell you things anymore

TG: guess what jade  
GG: what?  
TG: macaulay culkin better move the fuck over cause guess whos home alone  
GG: is it you? :O  
TG: first thing im gonna do is throw a party  
TG: hookers  
TG: blow  
TG: aw hell im feeling adventurous lets do hookers and blow  
GG: sooooo coooooooooooool

EB: hey, dave. what are you doing right now?  
TG: eating doritos and watching pokemon.  
TG: ive been staring at the tv so long everything that’s not ash ketchum and his bestiality buddies is kinda blurry now  
TG: wait ive told you about my pokemon bestiality theory right  
EB: i was trying to forget you did.  
TG: anyway its weird theres this orange spot on my right that wont go away  
TG: wait  
TG: no  
TG: thats not orange  
TG: the lights on

TG: jade i think someone broke into my house  
TG: obviously im not in any danger but if i kill him and have to go to prison  
TG: like juvie with no internet  
TG: juvie like its 1999  
TG: wait no i think they had internet in 1999  
TG: anyway ok if i have to go to 70s juvie please finish all my songs thats it goodbye

TG: rose before i go i just want you to know  
TG: you were basically wrong about everything  
TT: Ah, I was wondering when you’d get around to contacting me.  
TG: fuck you im in a crisis situation here  
TT: I know. John has been keeping me apprised of your circumstances.  
TG: ugh why do people keep telling you things  
TT: A pact made with the Darkest Gods as a callow youth, my hands glowing with unearthly luminescence and my wands stained with the brackish blood of young children and small animals.  
TT: Anyway. The lights are on in your brother's room, you are tolerably sure that you didn't turn them on, and he won't be back until Tuesday. What are you going to do?  
TG: im going in  
TG: ive got my sword  
TG: im in the hallway  
TG: im next to the door  
TG: my hands on the doorknob

DAVE: AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH

TG: fucking cal  
TG: he was sitting in bros chair and when i opened the door it turned around and it turned around and he smiled the fucker smiled  
TG: i hate that thing so much  
TG: please tell me im just dreaming  
EB: you're not dreaming, dave.  
TG: well fuck  
EB: lol!

TG: uh yeah okay im fine it was just cal  
TG: i think hes alive is there like a science explanation for that  
TG: or like a science explanation of how to kill him  
TG: ugh are you asleep again  
TG: whatever tell me in the morning okay

TG: i have the weirdest boner right now  
TT: Told you so.  
TG: fml

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [this](http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/3493.html?thread=281765#cmt281765) HSWC prompt:  
> Dave ♠ Lil'Cal
> 
> Lying close to you feeling your heart beating  
> And I'm wondering what you're dreaming  
> Wondering if it's me you're seeing  
> -Aerosmith


End file.
